Caregiving

Caregiving
Giving care
Of course I care
That's
My mom
My son
My husband
My daughter
My friend.
Giving - that's the word.
I give a lot.
Give time
Consolation
Love
Pep talks
Explanations
Food
Clean clothes
Medicine
Advice
Money
Shopping trips
Car rides
Dog walks
Instructions.
Those are a few things I give
All wrapped up in the name of " care".
I give what is needed
Not always what is wanted.
But I will give
Of myself as much as I can
Because I am a caregiver.
I give
Because
I care .

Why Do I Look?

W h y   d o   I   l o o k ?

W h y   d o   I   l o o k
A t   y o u r   e m p t y   h o u s e ?
I   p a s s e d   i t   b y   a g a i n   t o d a y
T h e   h o u s e
O n c e   v i b r a n t   a n d   a l i v e
W i t h   k i d s ,   t o y s   a n d   p l a n t s
W i t h   t o o l s   a n d   c h a i r s
T h a t   I   k n e w
T h a t   I   h a d   t o u c h e d
T h a t   I   u s e d   
T h a t   I   s a t   u p o n.
B u t   t h e y   a r e   g o n e
A n d   s o   a r e   y o u.
M o v e d   a w a y
S o   w h y   d o   I   l o o k ?
I   a l w a y s   l o o k   
W h e n   I   p a s s   b y
I   a l w a y s   l o o k.
O t h e r s   a r e   t h e r e
I n   y o u r   h o u s e
O n   y o u r   l a w n
W a l k i n g   t h e   h a l l s
I   h a d   c o m e   t o   k n o w .
O t h e r s .
W h y   d o   I   l o o k ?
I   m i s s   y o u .
I   m i s s   u s .
S o   I   l o o k
J u s t   i n   c a s e
Y o u ' r e   t h e r e
B u t   y o u ' r e   n o t.
A n d   I   r e m e m b e r   o n c e   m o r e
W i t h   s a d n e s s
T h a t   y o u   a r e   g o n e .

So   
W h y   d o   I   l o o k ?

Life Poems

Mom's pain

Is it real
Is it imagined
Does it matter?
It is pain
Her pain
So much pain she will curse
She will question why
She will cry
She will become like a child
not knowing what to do.
I have a pill
It takes time to work
I have another pill
I have a soothing voice
Suggestions to lie down
I have no answer.
But I must steel myself
Not be drawn in to the pain
Not be offended by the cursing
Not be saddened by the tears.
I can no longer be the child
Though she is my mother
I must be her caretaker
Her companion
Her nurse
I must help her deal with the pain
Together we fight the pain
Not so much her daughter any more
But she will always be
My mom.

Life Poems

Giving blood

Life flowing silently within me
Keeping me alive
Feeding my organs
Bur now I chose to share this life force
Invade my veins
Stick in a tube
I will squeeze the ball to push out my blood
Thick and red
I don't look
Try not to think
About my life force flowing out
Trusting that what they say is true
I can build a new pint within a day
My friend cannot
She has a sickness in her blood
Undeserved,
uninvited
Yet it came
I will gladly share my life force with her
How amazing is this blood
How necessary for it to flow silently within me
I am grateful that I can share.

Cargiving

When we got our dog, Bambi (a golden doodle - terrific dog) my husband said are you sure you want one more special needs individual in your life? He had a point. But we got one anyway, and she helps the other special needs people very much. (although the first year created some very anxiety filled moments)

But this is not about the dog. I toggle my time between caring for my son with Down syndrome and my aging mom with dementia. Many days are almost carefree. He is at school, she is well and watching her favorite movie (Pride and Prejudice) andI am free to shop or have coffe or surf the net or keep house as I see fit. Other days and weeks are not so free.

Take this one for example. I was looking forward to seeing one of my sons in a Mardi Gras parade last Saturday, but that got curtailed when Mom woke up with extreme vomitting and diarhea. Poor thing was a mess. Caregiving. How much have you loved today? Enough to clean up the mess? Enough to comfort? Enough to spend the next 7 hours in the ER while they replace her fluids and send her home? Enough to miss the parade?

It is the kind of thing you just do and think about later. You can't keep counting the costs. You just do what has to be done.

I contracted the stupid virus myself and watched the Saints win the superbowl from my sick bed amid dozing off and trips to the bathroom. May I just say for the record - not fair!

New start

Got an iPhone. Going to try to update
My blog more often. We will see how it goes. We baptized my newest grandchild,Blaise Robert this weekend. I'm going to try to post a picture.

Where did summer go?

Since I last posted, I've been kind of busy. :)

It started in April when Mom had surgery. All is well and recuperated with her. But that took two weeks of hospital stay and a few more weeks of at home recuperating.

Actually it started before that with the bathroom renovation. That took almost six weeks, but it looks fantastic!

Mike Pingel and Andy Shaw work very hard!

We planned Stephen's birthday party for the end of May, at the end of school. Then we find out the Colorado Roses were moving to town!

Note the rocking horse on the roof!

So right after school is out, the Roses are in!. Thankfully the bathroom was completed that week! They lived with us in squeezed but happy quarters. Who can't help but smile when Zelie flashes a sweet one? That lasted six weeks.

Amidst that we had John & Kristen's wedding to attend in Pittsburgh. Big trip. Lots of people. Keeping Stephen happy. Keeping up with family people. Making sure the rehearsal dinner was okay. Keeping up with New Orleans people. Keeping Stephen busy. Enjoying John & Kristen's big day. Meeting Kristen's lovely family people. Keeping Stephen from having a meltdown. Keeping cool! Dancing with lots of people. Whew! That lasted a week.

They look very happy. Check out the next video to see a sneak preview of their marital bliss!

Then Theresa and Pete brought Gregory and Louis down to visit while they went to Dallas for a few days. They were little angels. Very sweet. I was very tired. That took four days.

Next Theresa agreed to watch Stephen (and Grace Marie helped) so Phil and I could get away. So we went to Atlanta. Did CNN, Coke and aquarium. Visited Phil's sister Patti and Brian Bienn and their boys Harris and Mack. Great family. it was so good to see them all. Harris is in the Marines. Pray for him!

That was only 3 days. Phil with Harris.

Soon after that Grace Marie and Paul had another big move out to their new home around the corner. Very nice place. We all have a bit more elbow room.

Stephen went to Contemporary arts camp for a few weeks and before you know it, school has started back up!

Where did the summer go? It was life lived and shared among family and friends. It was a summer blessed by the Lord with safe voyages and better health. Granted it was busy. I think Stephen's summer book will have more pages this year than last. But it's a summer that went in our memory as rich, blessed and very full!